i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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