I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize