You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you win again, gameday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
