maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im holly from the hills drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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