You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
