Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
