so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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