Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
