So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
