Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
