Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
