I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
