honey bunches of taint.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
