I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
