Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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