she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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