seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
