my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
