i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
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