I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You can't special order awesome
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
