So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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