I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
