I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
