my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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