oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
