does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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