I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize