I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
