4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think i have two assholes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
