Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
