i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
