It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
