somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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