So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
