if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
