I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
