Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
