It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
