Jerry, you need to find god
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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