it hurts more in the daytime
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
