I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
