i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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