Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
did i just pee glitter
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
