just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
