so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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