Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
