My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
