Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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