Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
