Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
