This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
