Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
