He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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