Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
