I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
