i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
