i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
