Is it normal to miss your booty call?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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