somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's like heaven, but drunker
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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