Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ketchup is God's man juice
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
