my mouth tastes like poor choices
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize