I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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