btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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