New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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