I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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