i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
