I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
