I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
