Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
