Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize