Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
