I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
