i think my tv is drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
