sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
