I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
