I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
