Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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