I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
