well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
